by
Christopher Barr
The
Expendables 3
is about the same thing 1 and 2 was about, it’s about bringing back musty action
stars from the 80’s and 90’s into a pastiche world of corny one-liners and
endless gunfire, except this time it’s PG-13, which means the only good stuff
about the last two has been removed to bring in a wider audience. Sylvester
Stallone is the front runner of this muscle extravaganza, he wrote and directed
the first one and co-wrote and produced the last two.
The movie was about…I actually don’t know what it was
about other than Mel Gibson’s baddie
and Sylvester Stallone’s moral
high-ground had it out for each other. That’s not to say the movie is cryptic
in the David Lynch sense, it was actually so simple that it was transparent,
even an actual plot was unable to hang off its pulsating bicep. These
movies are for your insecure machismo male adolescent, who dream of steely
mighty men by night while he struggles to prove his masculinity to any female
in breathing/texting distance by day.
I don’t know if it’s just me, and I’m inclined to
think that it isn’t, but the young ‘talent’ coming out of Hollywood these days
are wooden, lifeless people. Products of a generation of Facebookers and
Tweeters that have been lost on the fundamental requirements for human
connection, people that have developed relationships through text messaging and
not face to face.
The young stars that are introduced in The Expendables
3 are so forgettable that I have to type this fast to get my thoughts on them
down before they drift into nothingness. They were dull and they were
boring, they lacked any charisma, they lacked personality, oh and did I say
they were boring. This
makes me think of The Goonies, Stand by
Me, it makes me think of Back to the
Future and The Breakfast Club, I
can throw in Clerks and Dazed and Confused, even Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels for
that matter. These were all films with a
cast of young people that had heartbeats, they had verve and actual character.
Today, according to same who believe we live in the best
of times, we have Twilight, Divergent,
The Mortal Instrument: City of Bones and The Maze Runner, all movies filled with card-bored cutout iTeens
that have taken the Zombie craze to a whole new level, with this method acting
de-animated CGI-teared fake-fest.
Watching The Expendables 3 made me sad that these
grizzly old men, in order to stay relevant in the modern age, have to include
such ‘dial-tones’ to their cast. And to
think that the cast was not already crowded enough they add these….wait, who
was I talking about? My train of thought
drifted back to Ferris Bueller talking his way into a Chicago fancy restaurant
so he can show his best friend Cameron a good time in the city.
The Expendables 3, like many Hollywood movies, is a
money grab. The concept of bringing all
these action stars together got boring by the second act of the first movie. I say thank goodness for Eric Roberts for
getting what they were really trying to do with that first movie. Also, there is something sad and pathetic
about seeing men that were so alive in films like Rambo, The Terminator, Lethal Weapon, Blade, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Desperado
and Rocky 4, and at this point are all
trying to send the message that they still all have it. They don’t all still have it because they are
old, and in modern society, being old is death ;) They are trying to push the sand back up the
hourglass and coming off as desperate for doing so. Empires rise and fall, nowadays we live in a
superhero saturated environment, where wielding a gun at the enemy isn’t good
enough, it comes off as too simplistic, today there needs to be something
multi-dimensional about the proceedings, something super-human. Watching older men pull the trigger at
faceless, nameless enemies is truly a thing of the past. Watching Rocky,
Predator and The Empire Strikes Back
is all the enjoyment I need to know that these men were once great at what they
did. The point being, it’s sad we live
in society that has done away with the traditional ‘right-of-passage’ of getting
older as a part of life and getting wiser as a hopeful consequence of getting
older.
I’ll be back.
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